ALBERT AND HAROLD
steptoeAND son, back from the grave=-rag and bone=

ALIEN PORNO MIDGETS
all under 4 foot, the midgets do not come from earth or an earth as we know it,,, permanantly high altitude over hawaii (as they loved the grass skirted maidens) these midgets know how to rock the show== hula-hula style and more,,,, destined for BIG things in Hawaii, have recently been adopted as the acceptable face of tourism for the whole region=====// look out for more from the Midgets=-

AREHBERG AND BAUER
description due soon...

AUNTY FARM AND UNCLE HOWELL
Chesh^n^dave= the adopted cockneys and the only cockneys liked at V/VM,== they live in LONdon and hate it,,, what can you say about these boys that hasn;t been said before= kings of comedy the pair of them__ both with a love of the worst football around--------// Chesh is famed for eating brain sandwiches on a school trip and Dave loves snorkling in the old lady thames=== responsible for the construction of the millenium dome__ no wonder it was a disaster- London needs more like them-

AERONESI FROM LUCKY KITCHEN
one half of the lucky Kitchen DUO but we're not sure which one, as both are identical==//=== wears size 17 shoes and eats sweets by the quarter pound///// lovely to work with---- a true gentleman___

BORED IN COLUMBIA feat.RED HEADED ROY THE BUTCHERS BOY
description due soon...

PROF. BOXBURN
mad prof. known for his work in the CjD field---/// no other details can be given under the official secrets act of 1974-- exposure would break the geneva convention///

BROXBURN & THE XMAS GUARDS
description due soon...

BUTCHER CLAWS
the butcher of all things good,,, loves to use the hatchet to physically attack songs he knows and loves= favourite trick is the strangulation of all things donald duck related--- not a nice person and the reason why there was no V/VM xmas release last year as he kidnapped santa thus depriving local pensioners of socks and marbles last xmas-------

FRED ELLIOTT BUTTCHERS
Master Butcher of the Highest Order,, Young Fred is known for a good old fashioned Rump Steak,, - one for the older lady Fred loves nothing more than returning HOME to a good old fashoined Lancashire hot pot////// Built like a butcher

C.C.WHITE
The most distinctive voice in Pop today,,,, If only "out of tune" was in tune C.C. would have it all,, a fast car, big house- sell out USA tour- the works,, As it is C.C. lives in Brinnington has an old austin allegro car and is planning a trip to barrow this summer- Her inspiration is Tina Turnip= simply the best/;

THE CARETAKER
why you are the caretaker, you've always been the caretaker=

MISS BILLY CLACK
hostess of blind date and surprise surprise----- our billy is scouse through and through and it SHOws=- great teeth and red hair to die for// a real trouper- one of the old school,,,, Jimmy tarbuck recommended her to V/VM

COCK E.S.P.
description due soon...

COKERNUT PIGEON
corny tribute band for the Lieutenant ^see PIGEON//

CV[EV]
Famed for his involvement with Chart Runners VVMT5, now exiled in Poland - CV[ev] can be found in Lodz running a vegatable stand in the market square--- plans to release more are on the back burner=

DEREK PLAYS POPS
description due soon...

DUCKY
this belgian singing duck flirted with chart success in his home land, however ask any belgian about Ducky and you will be met by a puzzled gaze. either too much stella has clouded their memories or Belgians finest export has fallen from grace completely. Famed for his solo outing "mother how are you today" only one other Ducky recording can be confirmed as existing"hallo heir is ducky"-- last seen with a hoegaarden grand cru in Brugges. Tourists be warned.

DUREFORSOG
Danish Boy band with screaming girls following there every move,,, Not well known outside of Scandanavia (though they just signed a us major label deal)V/VM remixed one of their album tracks for a free 7" given away with the album_thus corrupting the young minds of pre-pubescent danish girls everywhere-The effects of this experiment will be seen in denmark in the next few years//// watch those girls==

THE EDGELEY MUSHER
Edgeley needs mushing and that's what the Musher is about= Found religously in Edgeley Librarys reference section, the Musher knows all there is to know and more about Local affairs- For instance0- did you know that Edgeley has more Butchers in one square mile than any other UK city and that's a fact- Or that Lamb Chops is Edgeleys favourily consumed MEAT--- it's true// a mine of usefull information= A strong candiate for Who wants to be a millionaire=

THE EGGNOG CHORUS
description due soon...

ELECTRONIC FLY SYMPHONY
description due soon...

FREQUENCY BAND (GHz) 23.6-24.0
description due soon...

GOODIEPAL
Danish pig farming NUT case === currently living in Copenhagen where he is known for his Cake buying antics and coktail drinking===/ Runs the Goodiebag series with V/VM and is known for only pressing 50 copies of said records////// Although a Pig Farmer the Goodiepal cannot Eat meat,,,,, And it was his vote in a recent Danish poll which meant the abolishment of Duty Free shoping for EU travellers=====

DAVID HASSLEOFFALWAFFLEOFF
bastard brother of famed baywatch star David Hasselhoff== same chisled features and plastic personality,, a big hit with the german housewives===

HELL INTERFACE
description due soon...

JACK 'N' VERA
Ex landlord and landlady of the rover returns pub/// Famous for racing Pigeons and a love of Mouldy Old Dough=== A true represenation of northern England- Flat cap, whippet lovers=

JANSKY NOISE
The Janky Noise experiment is a by-product of the V/Vm test department. Fronted by Hamish MaCgregor Jnr , Jansky Noise (a term for cosmic noise) is a volatile character with a ponchant for fine wines, the best ladies and sonic abuse. Famously associated with the compilation CD "welcome to execrate" on Beef Records,, much is expected of Jansky---- A nation expects some Haggis'n'Neeps=

JAPANESE INDUSTRIAL AGENTS
description due soon...

JEGA vs DATATHIEF
description due soon...

KID 606
San Diego baseball cap wearing 14 year old raggamuffin homeboy. Known to phone Ice Cube up offend his mothers existence and then remix Straight Outta Compton. Not content with this, currently let loose in Europe on a tour, reports of fights have been commonplace (Kid was deported from Turkey)--Compiled a merzbow Cd when he was 8 years old and threatened Alec Empire for wearing leather trousers--- Current Wire favourite - this Jimi Hendrix of the glitch world is one to watch===

BRIOCHE KRETZAAL
description due soon...

THE LARGER LUMPS OF WEASEL
This group of individuals LOVe fish------ Famed for eating Cod and Haddock day and night, it's somewhat surprising they ever record any music at all==== They love nothing more than a big fat red herring with mustard and vinegar/// lovely BOYS= you;r mother would love them=

LEON & HITS
Tireless campaigners for British Beef== One song under their belts and they've vowed no MORE- they've been abroad and had some pink salami, well horses are for courses how bizarre, although they have been humbled, they got the euro's rumbled because their british beef is better beef by far-'

BERTIE MAGOO
A very, very bitter man,,,, years of pent up anger after sucessive and collective faliure in all areas of his life-- Not made any better due to the fact that his brother has endured recent success' which has made poor bertie a laughing stock not only of an area but in the whole world___ Maybe the big time beckons for bertie once again but the likelihood is that it's another false dawn. Bad luck is his middle name and this can be dated back to a gypsies curse____// Poor old Bertie, nobody knows his name==

THE JON MATTHY QUARTEt
description due soon...

ANDY MEDLEY AND JAMES WARNES
true fans of dirty dancing=== always have the time of their lives and try in vein to jump london underground ticket styles with no tickets///// they owe it all to you and more====// bill medley is a fan-

MILD MAN JAN
Mild Man Jan, famous for being Mild,,,,,, usually found chainsawing old lawnmowers or releaseing and remixing his famous englebert humperdink collection. Wind this guy up however and beneath that mild exterior you will find a volcano lurking underneath ,, Famous friends of Mild Man Jan include the queen, hulk hogan and matt goss from Bros==== starting his own record label or lawn mowing business- you decide//

THE NOTORIOUS P.I.G.
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OBJECTIVE
description due soon...

PEOPLE LIKE US
Hate people like You,,,,,, The work of Vicki Bennet and freinds====== Another one for fine wines young victoria can be found most days paddling in the Brighton Sea with Hankie on head humming an old carpenters melody whilst waiting for the tide to come in. This 17 year old minx sites her inspiration as being Child prodigy Billie"the Mouth"Piper and plans a tribute Cd in due course= More famous than Brighton Rock and a match for Norman"quentin"Cook anyday=

PIGEON
The Godfather of all things modern, The worst ever Number One in UK history "mouldy old dough" behind him,, a true legend===== Inventor of drum and bass in the early 90's and close friend of A guy called gerald,, worth 10 derrick may's any day of the week- we owe it all to the man, the man who is lieutenant pigeon// Rumoured to be on the verge of a knighthood-- you read it first here-=

RASHERFORD AND BINSON
offspring Mutant kids from the affair that Ashford had with Simpson------- known only to sing sickly sweet ballads which ride high in the USA charts,, this pair know all the right moves---- sweet like sugar and a faourite of OLD john peel(y) BIN

OLEG SATICHENKO
Ex chernobyl working russian who suffered no ill effects from the nuclear fallout- V/VM's russian connection is now based in Kiev where he works tirlessly to bring electronic music to the community== a real star//

SHERPA
description due soon...

SPACE MAN SNARF
Nothing is known about the spaceman except for he;s close freinds with our danish boy band- maybe their manager or svengali figure-- I always knew there was something dodgy about boy bands-

ROBIN '12 TOPS' SPARROW=
yet anothe pigeon Cash IN------ not as good as the original/ and didn;t invent Drum and Base- but has worked with the prodigy on their forthcoming projects/

THE STABLE feat THE TWO WISE MEN FROM BETHLEHEM
description due soon...

STEUE
description due soon...

STOCKHAUSEN AND WALKMAN
Stoke Housing and Walkingframes is mostly the work of Matt Wand and Andrew Sharpley==== before hot air sharpley and wand ran PWL records and had many a hit, projects included singles and albums by Kylie Minogue, Jason Donovan and most famously Rick Astley (the quiffed whistling teaboy from warrington and warringtons favourite son)=====,, Wand also famously appeared as a compare on the uk tv show "the hitman and her"_and cites Mr Smith's in warrington as the inspiration for Hot Air== Boy George loves them and so do we-

THE STRANGER
description due soon...

TIGERBOY
description due soon...

UNCLE ERNIE
description due soon...

VEIL GUD BROS
sheffields finest,,, rumours abound that they cease to exist==== nobody knows for sure///// doom merchants and known for their use of even the worst food to be found== cast iron stomachs the pair of them-

V/VM
Blamed for everything that is a bit dodgy or shonky,,, known for releasing OFFAL based products and for starting the V/VM test======= V/Vm is well known for its love of Bergarac and complete contempt of Scanner(aka Bob RAMBO)- Comitted to bring out the best MUSIC possible V/VM have a masterplan which will culminate in a takeover of TIME/WARNER and the opportunity to remix the entire back catalogue___________// Encouraging development,, V/VM welcome the challenge---------- hiding behind PIG MASKS they walk among you , watching every move----- plotting and observing their latest target-- NOBODY IS SAFE=